This is my life now: napping and pooping.

ERMAHGERD YOU GUYS! Today is NATIONAL NAPPING DAY!

Why didn't anybody tell me? I would have taken the day off! Although, really, it should be a federally recognized holiday complete with paid time off. Amirite?

Let's see how many other made up Internet-y words I can use in this post today.

El oh el.

I really need the naps. Like, for realsies. I think I slept about 3 hours in 3 days. The Baby is having her first bout of constipation (I think the carrots are the likely culprit because the peas and bananas and avocados and sweet potatoes went through her system just fine) and it had both of us crying and sweating and cursing the gods, or in her case, cursing me (the look on her sad little face was very "What the hell? Do I need to scream louder for you to get my point, woman?). Also, we did The Thing that other parents don't normally tell you about, you know what it is, please don't make me say it.

Sigh.

Okay.

We pulled poop out of her butt. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. If you survey 100 parents and nobody admits to pulling poop out of their kid's butt then probably 85% of them are dirty, rotten liars. Welcome to Parenthood. It's incredibly glamorous.

We've given her prune juice (baby move) and pear juice diluted with water and while it helped it didn't really get anything moving. So, last night, after changing my mind a million different times I finally broke down and agreed with my husband to give her the babylax (liquid glycerin suppository). It worked but it was The Terrible. I wiped her head with a cool washcloth and held her small, sweaty, little body against mine and just tried to comfort her while she screamed and cried and strained and made noises that broke my heart into a million pieces.

It's not completely over yet...and I am anxiously checking my phone from updates from my nanny (aka my sister) to see how she is doing. So far I've gotten a few videos that show she is just fine (which I totally needed). 


TMI? Probably. Maybe a new section on the blog: The Poop Diaries?

It's happening.

The happity hap hap haps.

Hello Internet! I had to take a break after Nablopomo. Blogging errryday (minus weekends because obviously) was tough. I don't know how so many of you churn out thoughtful, engaging writing errryday and still do other things like eat and sleep.

Life here in casa de mi is great.

I can't complain.

Well, I can, but I won't.

The Husband and I are beyond tired but we have a healthy, happy baby so we are so grateful. Also, she's cute so that helps. We have a relatively healthy, moody teenager -- she's also cute but that makes it harder because I want to lock her in a tower to keep her away from the boys. And there will be a time where I become cool again. I know it. Don't you tell me any different, Willis. We were watching Double Divas (judgement free zone here, people) and Molly and her daughter were getting pedicures and she started acting silly and The Kid looked at me and said, "ugh, that is so you."

I know she wanted me to be offended but joke's on her because all it did was give me more ideas on how to embarrass her and ruin her life which is my purpose in life so inherface.

Time for sleeps.

P.S. I have so many things to write but not enough time to write them because I spend seconds writing the drivel above so I can get back to watching Parks and Rec and playing my puzzles. I'm practicing for when I'm 80.

P.P.S. I meant to tell you in that last P.S. that I'm going to BlogHer! Are you!? Tell me! Let's be friends! Or avoid each other, if that's what you prefer. Sniff.