I interrupt our normal radio silence to bring you these youtube videos of my new spirit animal, Henri.
You're welcome.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
No touching!
My belly has popped out to the place where it just doesn't look like I'm getting fatter...but maybe smuggling a watermelon in my shirt. Which is cool because now I can blame the fat on the baby. What's not cool is That Thing Has Happened. You know what I’m talkin’ bout, Willis. The belly touch. The touching of the belly. In my NO TOUCHING! area. By someone who did not put the baby in there, is not the one who is planning on taking it out, or is not a VERY, VERY, VERY close friend or relative.
It happened to me at work. In the ELEVATOR. In front of another person. Awkward achievement unlocked!
Her hands reached across the small space at Superman speed and just as they were barely hovering over my belly, she asked “can I?” I wanted to say "NO!" but I spent too much time (0.5 seconds) thinking about how to say it without insulting her. What is wrong with me!? I’ve DRILLED into my daughter the whole “your body, your rules” thing but here I am figuring out how to say no without hurting her feelings. So as I started saying, “she’s not moving right now” her the hands were already touching me. And they stayed there for the most 15 awkward seconds of my life. Touching MY BELLY FAT until the ding of the elevator signaled freedom and I could escape.
I’ve worked at the same place with this person for many, many years. But our relationship is more of a “Hi, how are you?” NOT a “Hey, feel free to touch my body anytime you want.” She’s older, is a grandmother herself, and I know it came from a place of being maternal or something…but…COME ON!
I’ve taken to leaving about 10 minutes early to avoid people in the elevator and now place my large purse or notebook in front of me whenever I’m standing still. I’m also considering ordering 7 t-shirts (one for each day cuz mama doesn't like to do laundry) that say “No touching!” There’s gotta be a better way to handle this right? I’m sure there is and you will tell me because I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and kiss from me to you, now let's all go live in a zoo.
Advice? Wisdom? Reassurance? Help me? Please?
It happened to me at work. In the ELEVATOR. In front of another person. Awkward achievement unlocked!
Her hands reached across the small space at Superman speed and just as they were barely hovering over my belly, she asked “can I?” I wanted to say "NO!" but I spent too much time (0.5 seconds) thinking about how to say it without insulting her. What is wrong with me!? I’ve DRILLED into my daughter the whole “your body, your rules” thing but here I am figuring out how to say no without hurting her feelings. So as I started saying, “she’s not moving right now” her the hands were already touching me. And they stayed there for the most 15 awkward seconds of my life. Touching MY BELLY FAT until the ding of the elevator signaled freedom and I could escape.
I’ve worked at the same place with this person for many, many years. But our relationship is more of a “Hi, how are you?” NOT a “Hey, feel free to touch my body anytime you want.” She’s older, is a grandmother herself, and I know it came from a place of being maternal or something…but…COME ON!
I’ve taken to leaving about 10 minutes early to avoid people in the elevator and now place my large purse or notebook in front of me whenever I’m standing still. I’m also considering ordering 7 t-shirts (one for each day cuz mama doesn't like to do laundry) that say “No touching!” There’s gotta be a better way to handle this right? I’m sure there is and you will tell me because I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and kiss from me to you, now let's all go live in a zoo.
Advice? Wisdom? Reassurance? Help me? Please?
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Happy Father's Day To You And You
If you are my dad, this is for you:
Obviously.
If you are my husband, this is for you:
Let's not get those mixed up.
I hope all the papas out there have a fantastic day. As for me and mine, we are currently recovering from our father's day celebrations and watching Sister Wives.
Because that's how we roll, yo'.
Obviously.
If you are my husband, this is for you:
Let's not get those mixed up.
I hope all the papas out there have a fantastic day. As for me and mine, we are currently recovering from our father's day celebrations and watching Sister Wives.
Because that's how we roll, yo'.
Monday, June 11, 2012
A 3D look at what is in my lady parts!
Last Saturday we went to one of those private places that do 3D/4D ultrasounds. And, once AGAIN, our baby was NOT cooperative (as the kid said, a little TOO proudly, "just like me!"). She was still facing backwards and upside down and she was hiding her face with her arm. The tech was very patient...she tried gently pushing, asked me to walk around for awhile, and then finally suggested that I get on all fours...and (in my head) I said, uh...sure, no problem. But, like right now? IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS, HUSBAND, AND DAUGHTER? WHO ARE, LIKE, ALL IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME?
I wanted those pictures, so I did it. It would have been okay if my daughter, trying to be helpful, hadn't LIFTED MY SHIRT UP EXPOSING MY BARELY CONTAINED FUN BAGS. I want you to know that the caps do not indicate yelling, in this case, it's me, expressing my MORTIFICATION. I told my family to NOT LOOK but seeing as I was already trying not to make eye contact (see above) I cannot confirm that they actually listened...because I WILL NOT SPEAK OF IT AGAIN.
After about 45 minutes of cajoling, begging, and pleading with a baby that just didn't give an EFF (see how I didn't say "fuck", Mom?), we decided we would just come back the following week.
And we did, yesterday.
It was much more successful this time. She was facing forward, with her head up, although she was resting it comfortably in the cushiness of my uterus...making it look like she had an afro. At this stage (24 weeks) they are mostly skin and bones and they are floating in liquid so some of the pictures make her look a little scary...like something out of a horror film. I try not to look at those too closely.
Here are a few of the good ones.
And one that will probably scare you, a little.
We're going back around 30 weeks after she's filled out with some chub. It was an amazing experience and I highly recommend doing it if you can. My favorite part of the whole thing was watching the look on the kid's face as she "saw" her sister for the first time. She was beaming! She was so excited to share the printed pictures with her friends at school. It made my cold, dark heart melt.
That's the fun stuff on the baby front...except for the nursery...hopefully finished pictures to share soon. As for me...still nauseous and pukey, the first 30 steps or so I take hurt like a mofo (my ligaments are already relaxing), hair is growing in places it shouldn't, my stretch marks are making a fabulous comeback, and I'm just generally tired all the time. I also got to go to the dentist twice last week, once for a cleaning and once for crown prep...so, ya know, I'm a PEACH to be around!
We're still going back and forth with the ortho on the braces for the kid. We went to the oral surgeon that ortho referred us to...and the surgeon....he....was...special. Besides lacking in bedside manner department (he yelled at me when I tried to help him explain to the kid what he was saying...RUDE!) he said he "guessed" he could do just one side but wouldn't offer a definitive opinion...so...basically we paid to wait forever, be yelled at, and experience the most awkward consultation of all time. As the kid said after the appointment, "I do NOT want a man in my mouth who does not know what he's doing!" It was all my sister and I could do to hold our shit together.
So...um...yeah...other things happened but this is long (that's what she said) so I'm going to end it now. Also, I have to get back to my newest favorite Netflix obsession, Reno 911!
Until the next time I get a sudden burst of energy to write...toodles.
I wanted those pictures, so I did it. It would have been okay if my daughter, trying to be helpful, hadn't LIFTED MY SHIRT UP EXPOSING MY BARELY CONTAINED FUN BAGS. I want you to know that the caps do not indicate yelling, in this case, it's me, expressing my MORTIFICATION. I told my family to NOT LOOK but seeing as I was already trying not to make eye contact (see above) I cannot confirm that they actually listened...because I WILL NOT SPEAK OF IT AGAIN.
After about 45 minutes of cajoling, begging, and pleading with a baby that just didn't give an EFF (see how I didn't say "fuck", Mom?), we decided we would just come back the following week.
And we did, yesterday.
It was much more successful this time. She was facing forward, with her head up, although she was resting it comfortably in the cushiness of my uterus...making it look like she had an afro. At this stage (24 weeks) they are mostly skin and bones and they are floating in liquid so some of the pictures make her look a little scary...like something out of a horror film. I try not to look at those too closely.
Here are a few of the good ones.
 |
| That's the heel of her foot in her mouth! |
 |
| A little uterine wall afro action. |
 |
| Being very shy. |
 |
| Right before a yawn. |
 |
| Snuggling against mama. |
And one that will probably scare you, a little.
 | |||
| LOOK AWAY! |
We're going back around 30 weeks after she's filled out with some chub. It was an amazing experience and I highly recommend doing it if you can. My favorite part of the whole thing was watching the look on the kid's face as she "saw" her sister for the first time. She was beaming! She was so excited to share the printed pictures with her friends at school. It made my cold, dark heart melt.
That's the fun stuff on the baby front...except for the nursery...hopefully finished pictures to share soon. As for me...still nauseous and pukey, the first 30 steps or so I take hurt like a mofo (my ligaments are already relaxing), hair is growing in places it shouldn't, my stretch marks are making a fabulous comeback, and I'm just generally tired all the time. I also got to go to the dentist twice last week, once for a cleaning and once for crown prep...so, ya know, I'm a PEACH to be around!
We're still going back and forth with the ortho on the braces for the kid. We went to the oral surgeon that ortho referred us to...and the surgeon....he....was...special. Besides lacking in bedside manner department (he yelled at me when I tried to help him explain to the kid what he was saying...RUDE!) he said he "guessed" he could do just one side but wouldn't offer a definitive opinion...so...basically we paid to wait forever, be yelled at, and experience the most awkward consultation of all time. As the kid said after the appointment, "I do NOT want a man in my mouth who does not know what he's doing!" It was all my sister and I could do to hold our shit together.
So...um...yeah...other things happened but this is long (that's what she said) so I'm going to end it now. Also, I have to get back to my newest favorite Netflix obsession, Reno 911!
Until the next time I get a sudden burst of energy to write...toodles.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
They see me rolling...over in bed.
...nothing but tumbleweeds here...slowing moving across the pages of this blog...a coyote howls in the distance...
My poor little blog was abandoned for longer than I expected. I have been Very Busy doing Important Things at Real Work and if you combine that with being Very Busy Growing A Human, it has not left me with much energy for anything else.
How are you? Well? I hope?
I plan on doing lots of things today (pick out the final paint color so that the husband can paint the baby's room, empty the closets of non-baby things, move all the furniture back, fold and put away (YUCK!) the five baskets of baby clothes that my very helpful daughter washed for me, take a nap, go to our appointment for a 3D ultrasound, organize my closet, clean out my dressers, take another nap). I know I will only probably do one, maybe two of those things. Most likely the naps. But it's nice to have goals, isn't it?
It is.
Today I shall leave you with a picture of my dog, being harassed by her humans.
Adieu.
My poor little blog was abandoned for longer than I expected. I have been Very Busy doing Important Things at Real Work and if you combine that with being Very Busy Growing A Human, it has not left me with much energy for anything else.
How are you? Well? I hope?
I plan on doing lots of things today (pick out the final paint color so that the husband can paint the baby's room, empty the closets of non-baby things, move all the furniture back, fold and put away (YUCK!) the five baskets of baby clothes that my very helpful daughter washed for me, take a nap, go to our appointment for a 3D ultrasound, organize my closet, clean out my dressers, take another nap). I know I will only probably do one, maybe two of those things. Most likely the naps. But it's nice to have goals, isn't it?
It is.
Today I shall leave you with a picture of my dog, being harassed by her humans.
 | |||
| Bitch. Please. |
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