And the survey says...

I'm a little late on this week's post but I totes have a good excuse.

I'm growing a human INSIDE MY BODY. 

We had our second trimester ultrasound on Friday. The baby is now measuring a little behind (which is totes freaking me out, btw) and the baby was in a weird position (naturally) so I have to come back in 2 weeks for another one which is totally fine by me because that means more! pictures! Of course it also means drinking 32 ounces of waters in a 45 minute time frame. I must have gone to the bathroom about 207 times yesterday.

They took me back by myself for the first part and then they let my husband, the kid, and my mom come back so that they could see the baby and find out if it was a boy or girl.

The kid said the baby looked like she was dancing to the music they piped in the room (the baby was very squirmy) and when the tech told us that she thought that the baby was a girl, the kid told my mom to "pay up" (apparently they bet in the waiting room). She was very happy because she really wanted a baby sister. The rest of us were happy too, but really thought it would be a boy. The kid and my dad called it from the beginning...and I just hate being wrong.

Here are some pictures of our baby girl...who still kinda resembles an alien. A very cute alien.



And her little heart is just a beating. One of the best sounds in the world!

I'm feeling slightly better than I have in a while, so (knock on wood) maybe I'm going to be around the worst of it soon? I feel like I probably just jinxed myself.

Toodle-dee-doo.

P.S. Don't forget to check out Moxie Mavens! Lauren and I doing another live tweet of our favorite show of the moment, RHONJ on Sunday night at 7 p.m./10 p.m. I hope you join us over there!

New! Exciting! Thing!

It’s 4/20 today! Do you know what I’ll be doing at 4:20 p.m. on 4/20? Counting down the minutes to 5:00 p.m. so I can leave work and go home and get into my yoga pants and lay on the couch. I’m not a pothead, anymorethankyouverymuch, even though what I plan on doing after I get home seems like something a pothead would be doing. Solidarity.

(I am not condoning using marijuana, unless you’re old enough to use it, you’re in a safe place, are not putting yourself or anyone else in danger or you have a medical need for it, like a headache or something.) 

I didn’t plan on talking about marijuana so much in this post but I did and we shall all live with the consequences. ALL OF US.

What I really want to talk about is my love child. But not the one in my belly. (In my head I hear my kid saying this: “It’s in your uterus!!! Babies do not grow in your belly! It’s basic science, mother.”) (P.S. remind me to tell you about how she asked if I got pregnant via “IVF or the other way...you know when a man sticks his penis in the vagina” aka let’s see how embarrassed I can make my mom and dad feel at dinner.) (That was one too many parenthetical sentences and I apologize for that.) 

The love child I want to talk about is the one I have on the Internet. That I conceived with another woman. Who is my best friend of ever even though we have never met in real life as she lives in my computer. 

It just got all sorts of kinky up in here. Stay with me. I have a point. I promise.

Lauren and I share a brain, it’s so scary sometimes how we think the exact same thing at the exact same moment. It’s eerie.

So once we decided we needed a place to share this with the world (because, obviously), we started brainstorming. Lauren (and our awesome designer Nicole) did most of the work in getting the site set up and pretty and I would occasionally surface from my drug-induced and/or pain-induced fog and say I liked something or I didn’t or why are you wearing elf ears or who are you again? And Lauren would just pat my head and tell me I was a sleepy bunny and I should go back to bed or she would tell me to get my ass online right now so she could talk to me. She's very demanding.

Most of that is true. 

DRUM ROLL PLEASE...introducing...Moxie Mavens!

I hope you check it out and you like it and send us comments (nice ones) and tell us how brilliant we are and join us in the conversations we have, especially if you are as weird as we are. We like weird.

Obviously.

You know how I be.

I'm a little late on my post for this week and I totes have a good excuse.

I went to the ER. With pain. In my left side. AGAIN. Also I guess I was a little dehydrated so I needed an IV. The nurse couldn't find a good vein in my arm so she put the IV in my hand. The pain of that combined with the blood spewing all over the room made me start to pass out. All of the sudden my husband and the nurse sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher and everything looked like a photo that had one too many filters applied. I got very hot and sweaty and thought I might hurl. I did not like it. Not at all.

Here are gross pictures of my hand for your enjoyments.

Before

After. LOOK AT THE BLOOD!

I guess one good thing about the IV in my hand...it made me forget about the pain in my side. All I could think of was that there was a needle in my hand. A NEEDLE. IN. MY. HAND. It hurt very muchly, especially when the automatic blood pressure thingy would go off and would make the pain in my IV intensify because, yes, of course, they were both on the same side.

I CAN NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT MY HAND.

This time I didn't get admitted to the hospital...all of my blood and urine tests came back okay...I have small inflammation near my kidney that could be many things (kidney stone, cracked rib, things that had very long names that I cannot remember) but because my tests all came back normal (except I'm slightly anemic (Bella Swan!) and my white blood cells are a little high - both normal in pregnancy) they are not recommending other tests (x-ray, ct, etc.) right now because of the baby. My OB prescribed me some awesome painkillers that he assured me were safe and for now I just have to manage the pain. 

I'm still pukey. I'm still tireds. I'm still struggling. OBVIOUSLY.

Other things...let's see. Oh, we decided it would be brilliant, while I was still dealing with D.) ALL OF THE ABOVE to have our new dishwasher and refrigerator delivered the same day of the kid's sleepover. That was fun. Mostly for my husband, and my mom and dad, who rushed to our aid.

The damage to the house was minimal...although when I walked downstairs and saw broccoli, snap peas, popcorn, dorritos and marshmallows covering my floor I wondered what the hell happened. Unfortunately my kid can't tell me because she was the first to fall asleep (and very lucky she was only mildly pranked). Other girls got it much worse - writing all over their bodies with markers and mascara. So I guess I'm lucky the damage wasn't worse. 

Here's a shot of the carpet, after the main clean up...when we lifted the air beds and found marshmallow...stuck to the carpet.

Those white spots? MARSHMALLOWS.

They had a lot fun (obviously).

I thought I was a pretty liberal parent but apparently I am not. All of these girls, who are under 13 (some by 2 years) are on facebook and some other group chat thing (woo? I don't know). At one point, all of them (minus my kid and one other kid) were on their phones at the same time. I never in a million years thought that I would be entering my WiFi password into so many devices at a sleepover...

That's been my life the last week. And probably will be my life this week, and the week after that, and the week after that.

So until next time I'll just be here sleeping, eating, puking, crying, pooping, peeing, and crying some more.

Basically, I'm an infant who has to go to work but also can take painkillers.

Toodles.

Happy Easter

I got you a card.

Or two.



Quick update on the kids:

Baby = still hates me. Please read the previous post or seven to find out how I'm feeling.Went to the doctor this week. Got more Zofran. Baby is very camera shy. Everything looks good. We find out gender on April 27.

Kid = loves me. I think. Bully handled...for now. School performance is very good. Might need to get braces. Still very helpful. I think I heard her doing dishes and laundry while I napped. I KNOW. I'm a terrible parent. To make up for it we are allowing her to have a slumber party. Inviting 24 girls.

Jesus take the wheel (please pretend you didn't read any of the cards above, Jesus...for me? Pretty please.)

That's it for me this week, folks. (Unless I miraculously start feeling better and have the energy to open a web browser more than once a week.)

Toodles.

Hangover Part 98

I've decided that being pregnant is like being permanently hungover. I'm officially in my second trimester and this is when all the feelings of being hungover are supposed to magically go away.

Ha.

I spent 4 days in a place where there is a lot of partying. I then spent 4 days in bed recovering from being in that place. And I did not party once. Not even close.

I had a few nice surprises waiting for me when I got back. (Besides lots and lots of hugs from the kid who missed us terribly. As we did her.)

Surprise number one was a little baby carriage charm for the Pandora bracelet my parents got me for my birthday. It was a very sweet gift from my Internet BFF and partner in crime, Lauren. It came with a very thoughtful note that might have melted my cold heart and made me cry a little.

Surprise number two was this book that I ordered (hoping to get it before Penguin made David Thorne change the cover). If you love laughing until you cry and can't breathe properly, then this book is for you. Especially the story that starts on page 71 and is called "Ten reasons I shouldn't be alive: the rowboat." I read it out loud to the kid and we laughed about it FOR HOURS.

These are just some really cool socks I got at a store that sells nothing but socks. I saw them and they reminded me of something my grandfather used to say as a punch line to one of his stories, "Pretty ugly and pretty much have to stay that way" so I bought them. I'm wearing them right now.

I love happy bunny.

Peace out.

P.S. SOMETHING EXCITING IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW (bloggity-related)...so STAY TUNED!